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As a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Every time I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often resulting in significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of intimate connections as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional focusing on addressing intimacy issues.