🔗 Share this article

This year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

---

The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal traits signaling a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {